The Vampire is just not that into You Review

Title: The Vampire is just not that into You
Author: Vlad Mezrich
Release: Oct. 2009
Rating:
Synopsis: Are you in love with a vampire? Are you worried that you might not be his (blood) type? Do you wonder whether that cold stare means he isn’t interested . . . or if it’s because he’s been dead for three centuries (nothing personal)? Have you tried to coax him out of his crypt with a flash of your neck or a near-death situation that requires him to save you at the very last possible moment? Have you ever considered what it will be like to introduce him to your mother?

Even though your vampire’s skin is transfixingly translucent, he can still be very hard to read. Sometimes he’s simply holding back his true feelings, resisting the urge to bite you in the chance that one day you will truly love him. And other times . . . well, he’s just not that into you.

How can you tell? Undead dating specialist Vlad Mezrich has all the answers, utilizing quizzes, Top Ten lists, language analysis, real-life (and real-death) testimonials, and fancy charts to show you what you need to do in order to get your vampire and keep him forever. Once you go vamp, you never decamp – so let this eternally rewarding book show you the way to the vampire of your dreams.

This is a hard book to review. I finished it a few days ago, but couldn't figure out how to write up a review. This review is going to be a little different. Funny book, it’s full of tongue in cheek vampire goodness. I started laughing on page one, and didn't stop until the end. Only one tiny problem, the chapter title writing was a little hard to read.

Vlad is like the Dr. Phil for the undead. He helps you identify, catch and keep that vampire you've been wanting. And if vampire love wasn’t meant to be, he devotes a whole chapter on how to move on.

Part one - Your crush has bite...
In the old days, it was easy to tell a vampire and human apart, but now we have vampire wannabes.
With body diagrams explaining the differences between vampire (example - Skin is brilliant white and firm as marble. Extra points if he sparkles) or human (he bleeds) you will be able to pick out a vampire from a mile away. Do you prefer online dating? Don't worry; you will soon be able to decode his online profile.
Sometimes we fall for the “poser”, but with an easy to follow guide we can find the right label for him (Goth, Emo, or Gamer).
Now that we can identify vampires, we need to know which type of vamp is best, and where to meet them. If he is filing Dracula into the biography section, he’s a keeper.
Part two- now that you got him keep him…
How do you keep your vampire interested? Keep him away from the new girl. Are you ready to show him your domestic diva skills? Whip up one of these recipes, and he will be calling you Rachel Ray in no time. I would advise staying away from the Virgin Mary (vampire version) that one could get a human in a lot of trouble.
Part three- the vampire is just not that into you…
How do you know when your relationship is dead (not undead) but in the ground decaying dead? For one, his pet name for you might change from Darling Angel Sweet Pea, to Snack Pack. One way to kick your vampire habit is to start dating other species; at least with a zombie you know he only wants you for your brains.
This book is full of charts, graphs, letters from experienced vampire daters/ vampire slayers and quizzes. I seriously, love taking quizzes (I’m lame, I know). Who knew that I was Emmett’s blood type, or that I preferred the bad boys like James?